I spent a lot of my life wondering whether it was worth being the person God called me to be when the world seemed to reward the opposite. But as I've gotten older, I've realized that following Christ isn't about receiving approval from the world. It's about choosing to reflect Him regardless of how I'm treated.

I was born and raised in North Carolina, in a negative area and a negative household. My classmates and even individuals under the same roof as me would sometimes shun me for being positive. On the other hand, my mother and father raised me to treat others how I want to be treated and taught me that you get what you give into the world.

Because of this, I spent a lot of my childhood in conflict with what it meant to be a good or bad person. I would pick on kids and family members, while also being picked on by my own people. Every now and then, I would transition from being a bully to being the light for other people. But every time I chose to be a light, it felt like my shine was snuffed out.

Eventually, I started believing that living a good life like Jesus did was a false narrative. My faith in that lifestyle became dim, almost to the point of not existing. I began questioning whether there was really any value in being kind, positive, and loving when those things seemed to bring me more rejection than acceptance.

But before I truly lost my faith, something happened that I still remember today.

My father took me and his family on a trip to Disney World. During that trip, I went back to my true self—the person I believe God created me to be. My spirit felt bright that day, and while I was there, I noticed a little girl being held by her father. She had a very sullen look on her face, and a thought crossed my mind: "How can you look so sad at Disney World?"

So I decided to cheer her up. I made funny faces and did anything I could think of that might make her smile. Eventually, she smiled, and then she started laughing. Her parents noticed what was happening and looked over at us. They saw their daughter smiling and laughing, and then they looked at me and told me, "This is the first time

we've seen her smile and laugh her whole life."

They immediately started taking out their phones to take pictures of her smiling and that moment stayed with me.

For years, I had been taught that what you put into the world is what you get back, but my own experiences had made me question whether that was really true. I had allowed the rejection I received for being positive to convince me that being a light was pointless.

But that day at Disney, I realized something I had forgotten: I don't have to see the effect of my actions for them to have meaning.

I didn't know that little girl had never smiled before. I didn't know what she was going through. I wasn't expecting anything in return. I was simply being the person I had always been taught to be, and the person I believe Jesus calls me to be. Yet something as small as making funny faces at a child created a moment that her parents had never experienced before.

And that wasn't the only time God showed me this.

Those moments showed me that God had been working through me even when I couldn't see it.

I've never been a perfect person. I've always tried to tackle life with a smile instead of negativity, but negativity still arises in me from time to time. When it does, I turn to God for guidance. And when I'm at my lowest, He reminds me of the ways He's allowed my life to affect the people around me.

I realized that being a light isn't about whether the world rewards you for it. Sometimes people will reject you for it. Sometimes your kindness won't be returned. Sometimes you'll even question whether it's worth continuing. But that doesn't make the light any less real.

I don't want to spend my life becoming whatever the world tells me to become. I want to live as the person Christ calls me to be, even when it's difficult, even when I'm not understood, and even when my light feels like it's being snuffed out. That's why I'm choosing to be baptized.

I'm not saying that I've figured everything out or that I'll never struggle again. I'm choosing baptism because I want to publicly declare my life in Christ and continue walking in His light. I want to become the kind of person who can bring light to others, even when I don't know how much they need it. I want to trust that God can use even the smallest act of love to make a difference.

I spent so much of my life wondering whether being a light was worth it. Now, I understand that it was never about whether the world would give my light back to me. It was about allowing Christ's light to shine through me in the first place.

A verse that describes my walk with the Lord is 1 John 1:7, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”